Posted on26 Sep 2012
The best dating advice helps you realize something you already know but for some reason can’t see. Today’s column focuses on rebound relationships and whether they have a chance to become something real and long term. It dovetails nicely with the focus of Electric Hellos since a high percentage of online dating relationships, particularly those in the casual realm, are formed by people on the rebound.
A typical reaction after a breakup is to seek comfort that you’re not as low, worthless, and crappy as you feel after you’ve parted ways with someone you were likely in love with. This feeling is greatly enhanced if you’ve been dumped and it reaches a fever pitch if you were cheated on and dumped or your partner immediately moved on to someone else. That’s when the rebound becomes about reaffirming self worth and online dating is a perfect way of doing that, particularly if you want to go the easy route and search for the immediate comforts of sex.
That’s also why rebound relationships have real difficulty turning into something long term. It’s not that you’re wrong for each other or that you wouldn’t have gotten together and gotten along separate from the circumstances that brought you together. It’s just that when you come together looking for an affirmation of your attractiveness and worth to the world you’re likely to look for something else once you’ve met that short term need.
Plus, rebound relationships are often started in a time of great emotional turmoil, which means you’re not yourself in many ways. You can be emotionally frayed, high strung, desperate, etc. You’re on the hunt for a rebound relationship because you want a relatively minor and very specific need to be met and you find the person that can meet that one need better than any else. The problem is that the need eventually disappears and you can be left with a person that no longer gives you anything you want or need.
This might sound like harsh dating advice, but if you want a rebound relationship to turn into something long lasting then you’re doing it wrong. The whole point of a rebound is to help you get over the last person you were with so you can move on and meet the love of your life without the baggage from your previous long term relationship weighing you down. The rebound is like a palate cleanser and not at all meant to turn into something long term. There’s a reason why the vast majority (there are hard numbers on this) of rebound relationships don’t last. They’re not supposed to!
Is that harsh dating advice? It might sound like it but in reality it’s a good thing. When you’re on the rebound you’re free to have fun and explore. Check out the best online dating sites and let everyone know you’re looking for fun (or even for casual sex if you just want to have some fun between the sheets). Go on lots of first dates and pursue the guys or girls that interest you most. You’ll be surprised at how utterly delightful a casual rebound relationship is compared to the heavy emotional drama you just separated from.
Online dating is great for all kinds of relationships but it’s particularly good at facilitating a rebound relationship with so many choices for casual dating of a friendly nature and of a purely sexual nature. Get over the idea of a rebound relationship being your next long term commitment and have some fun washing away the taste of a relationship that just went bad. Try not to advertise you’re in the mood for a rebound though. Most people aren’t terribly interested in that. Just say you want to have fun.
