Posted on10 Aug 2012
In the modern age of data collection your decisions can be informed by more than just your gut or your internal musings. You can use the vast array of information available to you to be smarter and more efficient. This applies to online dating too and particularly to reply rates for those all important introductory messages . We’ve been looking at the data and we’re going to share some of the conclusions with you to help in your quest for successful online interactions with singles.
Not surprisingly, bad grammar, bad spelling, and annoying text speak or among the most significant turn offs when sending your first message to a potential date. It turns out that if you have lots of space to write a message you should use it wisely. Don’t abbreviate you’re with ur if you can help it. Capitalize the proper words like you’re an intelligent human being and try not to screw up the apostrophe placement when using its and it’s. The truth is that writing with bad grammar, spelling, and stupid abbreviations makes you look like an idiot and people just don’t want to date an idiot (or someone that’s utterly immature). It’s really that simple.
You should also avoid talking about looks when messaging someone for the first time, particularly if you’re a guy messaging a girl. As it turns out that’s much more likely to get you ignored than anything else. This is likely because women on online dating sites read those compliments so often that they’ve completely lost meaning and thus when you send a message with talk of her looks you’re tossed in a pile of hundreds, if not thousands of other messages just like it. That sort of thing is to be avoided at all costs. For some women it probably makes them feel objectified. If their looks are the first thing you notice then what are the chances you’ve looked through their profile and taken an interest in everything they have to offer besides being cute or pretty?
The way you open your message can have an effect on your chance of hearing back. This one is pretty simple though. If you do something a little different (by using “howdy” instead of “hi”, for example) you automatically stand out from the crowd and thus your message stands out in her mind a little bit. This is pretty basic psychology. If a girl (or guy) gets 50 messages a day she’s going to take a little extra notice of the ones that go outside the norm (without being exceptionally weird of course, which will just get you tossed aside).
This one should be obvious, but if you get specific in an introductory message you’re more likely to hear back from your potential date. This is pretty simple, really. Getting specific shows that you’ve read their profile and taken an interest in them beyond looking at their picture and thinking they’re hot. It indicates a lot about your potential to be a considerate, kind, caring partner and potential online dating partners are looking for those qualities.
Confidence is a good thing but no one likes arrogance, particularly in an online dating
message. Avoid anything that sounds like you’re tooting your own horn because it comes off as ugly and is almost certain to turn someone away from you. You’re far better off making a joke at your own expense, etc. Hopefully these tips will help you craft an excellent opening message for the lady or guy of your dreams and you’ll soon be well on the way to the finest relationship you’ve ever had.
